


Cold as ice

by vcdbtch



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Boys In Love, Distraught Arthur, Hurt/Comfort, Kissing, Love, M/M, Merthur - Freeform, Serious Injuries, Temporary Character Death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-07
Updated: 2020-07-07
Packaged: 2021-03-05 00:33:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,584
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25125490
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vcdbtch/pseuds/vcdbtch
Summary: Arthur, the Knights and Merlin were on a hunt and like usual, the King is a prat and doesn't listen to Merlin's advice. Of course, one of them get's hurt.This summery sucks lol
Relationships: Merlin & Arthur Pendragon (Merlin)
Comments: 1
Kudos: 46





	Cold as ice

It started with a fever.

Merlin, Arthur and the knights were on a regular hunt, this time though they decided to venture further away from Camelot than they ever had. About 3 days away to be exact. They were just about to catch some animals when a sudden rustle in the bushes frightened them and they scattered away. Arthur looked back at Merlin with a glare, thinking he had scared them off again, but when he saw his manservant was no where near the animal, he grew suspicious.

Arthur being Arthur, brushed it off as a slight shift in the wind and mounted his horse, signalling for the group to keep moving. Merlin, on the other hand, could sense something was wrong. His magic was pounding at the walls of his skin, begging him to let it free.

"Sire, is it really a good idea to stray this far away from Camelot? we're already three days away and if one of us gets injured, we wont get back in time" Merlin argued.

Arthur turned and shot him a glare. He too knew they were taking a risk but he didn't care, as far as he was concerned no one would get injured so they would be fine.

"we will be fine, don't be such a girl Merlin" Arthur rolled his eyes before he signalled for the group to stop again.

The group did what they were told and stopped, waiting for further orders from their King. After the King scanned the area and found nothing, something in the back of his mind told him they shouldn't venture much further.

"we'll go just over the ridge and set up camp then head back tomorrow" Arthur ordered. The rest of the group nodded in response and urged their horses further. After another 20 minute ride the group arrived at the ridge. They dismounted their horses and tethered them to trees just near the edge of the stream so they could reach the water.

Once camp was set up, Merlin was tasked to make dinner with the little supplies they had. With only a few pieces of bread and vegetables, Merlin was able to make a meal which was only just big enough to feed everyone, provided no one went back for seconds.

The group sat in comfortable silence, the only sounds were slurping sounds from Gwaine and a couple howls of wind. After they finished their meals Merlin set off to clean up. Just as he was about to grab the plates he felt his magic thumping at the walls of his skin, telling him danger was near. He stopped what he was doing and carefully looked around, making sure to cover every inch. After he found nothing, he shrugged it off and began cleaning the plates.

He walked down to the stream and began rinsing the plates, humming a gentle melody to himself as he did so. The feeling of his magic screaming at him to let it out never went away like usual, which meant the danger was still present, and that had Merlin on edge.

He was happily humming to himself, listening to the relaxing sounds of the steam water trickling when a horrid scream was heard. Merlin immediately dropped the plates and ran back to camp. His heart hammered in his chest when he saw the knights fighting some horrid creature. 

He carefully snuck behind a tree, careful not to step on any twigs that could blow his cover. He muttered some words under his breath and almost instantly the creature screamed, but that didn't seem to slow it down. Merlin kept trying different spells, wracking his brain until the beast finally started to slow down.

Just when Merlin thought it was weak enough for the knights to handle it themselves, it reared up on its hind legs and swiped its claw down towards Arthur. On instinct, the warlock darted forward and pushed the king out of the way, screaming in agony as it's claws nicked his back, ripping him to shreds.

The knights watched in horror as Merlin lie on the cold grass, barely moving apart from a few shivers and jagged breaths. Arthur turned his attention back to the creature as it took it's last few breaths and crashed to the ground with a thump large enough to shake the ground and knock a few of the knights over.

Arthur scrambled to his feet and ran over to his manservant who was shuddering violently. He knelt down beside the frail boy, putting a shaky hand up this neck to feel his pulse. It was nothing but a faint thump against his fingers.

"god damn it Merlin" Arthur shouted.

Arthur took his cloak off and gently cocooned him in it before picking him up and taking him back to camp. The other knights set off to find firewood, leaving Arthur, Lancelot and Merlin alone.

Lancelot walked over and sat on a fallen down branch that Merlin was propped up on. He listened to his breathing very carefully, making sure it was even. He cursed under his breath when the slight wheezing sounds filled his ears.

Soon enough the wheezing became sudden gasps as the boy desperately tried to get as much air as he could, despite being unconscious. 

"what's happening?" Arthur asked as he tried to hold back tears.

"his asthma is acting up, he needs to get to Gaius" Lance explained as he kneled beside the boy and put his hand on his chest, feeling the shaky breaths.

"Asthma? what the hell is that?"

" It's an inflammatory disease of the lungs, basically his airways are becoming narrow and it's making him harder to breathe" lance explained. "Gaius has a special medicine for him when this happens, we have about 15 hours to get him back otherwise he wont make it"

Arthur's breath hitched in his throat. "how long has he had this for?"

"since a little kid" 

"why didn't he tell me?" Arthur frowned.

"he didn't want to worry anyone, plus he had it under control" Lance smiled sympathetically.

"there no way we're going to get him back in time, we're easily almost four days away" Arthur's voice cracked as guilt hit him. This was all his fault. Merlin had warned him and tried to get him to turn back but he didn't listen, all because he wanted to kill a stupid animal

"we could go to Elador, it's about a days ride back towards Camelot. It's going to be risky but we may be able to make it in time if we leave before sun up" Lance told him before he got up to help the others with the fire.

They set up a fire and moved Merlin closer to it as his body became greyer and greyer by the second. Small, random shudders running down his spine as his teeth chatter slightly. Arthur wrapped his cloak tighter around the boy, rubbing his warm hands up his arm. His heart sped up when he felt how cold the servant was from underneath all of his articles of clothing.

***

The next morning the group woke up just before sun up and set off on their journey to Elador. Arthur hauled Merlin onto his horse, climbing on behind him and leaning his small, frail body against his before wrapping his arms around the boy and taking off.

The group silently rode through the woods, long weeds and wild flowers. No man daring to say a word, no man having words to say. They were all worried about their friend, but it was no secret Arthur was more worried than anyone. The relationship he has with the manservant goes far beyond friends. The two were best friends, inseparable. If you found one, the other would most likely be somewhere behind them. Despite the bickering and playful banter, both boys were aware of their feelings toward the other but were too scared to say something.

The thought of Merlin dying made Arthur's heart clench, his stomach twist. Just the mention of the words 'merlin' and 'dead' in the same sentence made him physically sick, made his head spin. It made him want to curl up into a ball and cry, it made him want to scream, it made him want to throw something or destroy something. 

After a few hours of riding, the knights began to get uncomfortable on their horses. Even Arthur was starting to get sore and he could tell the horses needed a break but he refused to stop. If he stopped it would just set them back and make the chance of Merlin dying a lot larger.

Eventually though, the need for a rest became too strong as exhaustion flooded over their bodies. They found somewhere to camp for a few hours before they would set off again. Arthur stopped his horse and gently slid Merlin off, earning a slight groan in response but otherwise nothing. He carefully laid the boy down on the grass and propped his head up on his lap.

Arthur winced as he looked over at the boy. His normally pale skin was now more of a grey complexion with little beads of sweat rolling down his forehead, despite him feeling ice cold. His forehead was hot but the rest of his body was freezing to the touch, it was unlike any of the others had seen before.

***

After a half hour of rest the group set off again. They were only half a day's ride to Merlin's home town and it was still early in the morning. Provided they didn't run into trouble, they would arrive by nightfall.

The ride was incredibly silent, again, no one daring to say a word. They knew their King was deeply affected by his manservant falling Ill and they certainly weren't about to get on his bad side. Arthur wasn't the only one who was terrified though, the entire group were worried about their friend. Merlin had easily become apart of their group, he was a friend to pretty much all of Camelot.

As the sun began to set, Elador could be seen in the near distance. Arthur sighed a breath of relief and urged his horse a little faster, they only had a short distance so Merlin could handle being shaken around for a few minutes.

They slowed their horses down to a trot once they reached their town. A stable boy took their horses while the group ran towards Merlin's mothers hut. They burst through the door, momentarily startling Hunith until she saw Merlin.

She hurriedly took them to Merlin's room where Arthur gently placed the boy down and covered him with the blankets.

"what happened?" She asked as she put her hand to his forehead.

"some beast attacked him" Arthur explained as he ran his hand through his hair.

"and his asthma is making it heaps worse" Hunith nodded as she got up and walked to the kitchen.

The knights watched as she came back with a small vile of liquid. She gestured for Arthur to help her hold him upright while she poured it down his throat. Merlin whimpered slightly but that was it. Arthur gently laid him back down and brushed his hair away from his forehead as one of the knights came back with warm water.

"we need to keep him warm" Hunith said as she pressed the cloth to his head.

***

The group has been at Elador for only a few hours but it was enough for Hunith to know Merlin's condition was drastically worsening and wouldn't improve unless they got to Gaius. Nevertheless, she gave the knights and Arthur a lovely meal and gave them a safe place to sleep while they contemplated their next mood.

"how's he doing?" Arthur asked as he walked into the bedroom. Hunith sat on a chair next to the bed, constantly rubbing warm water all over Merlin's frail body.

"The medicine I gave him earlier has improved his lungs slightly. He is now taking bigger breaths but it's not enough. I think your best option would be to stay here till the morning and head back to Camelot. Theres not a lot I can do here, Gaius has much more medicines and herbs to help" Hunith smiled sadly.

Arthur sighed and walked over to the bedside, sitting on the end of the bed quietly. "be honest, what are his chances?"

"I'm not a physician but I would say on the lesser side. He would have more of a chance if he didn't have asthma" She explained.

Arthur's breath hitched in his throat as tears welled up in his eyes. He tried desperately to blink them away, not wanting to cry in front of Huntith. He was the king of Camelot for gods sake. That didn't stop a few warm salty tears from sliding down his cheeks before he wiped them off.

"it's my fault" he whispered under his breath.

"no it's not honey, you couldn't have known some creature would attack you" Hunith assured him.

"Merlin told me we were taking a big risk straying this far away from Camelot but I didnt listen, I was too concerned about killing stupid animals. Even the other knights told me it wasn't a good idea but I didn't listen"

"why did he have to push me out of the way? Why couldnt he just follow orders and stay back?"

"Arthur, Merlin is a very loyal boy, he always has been. He cares about you more than you know, he cares about the knights too. You guys are friends to him, not just people he works for. He would do anything he has to do to make sure you live, thats his job" Hunith assured him.

Arthur nodded, still blaming himself but he knew better to argue with Merlin's mother.

"is there anything I can do?"

"If you could keep him warm while I go make him some broth that would be great. He needs to keep eating, it will help make him strong enough to fight the illness" Hunith smiled as she handed Arthur the towel before walking past him, shutting the door behind her.

Arthur quietly sat down on the chair beside the bed and began wiping warm water all over Merlin's body, paying extra attention to his back and chest.

"merlin" he whispered as he leant down near the boy's ear.

"mm" was all Merlin replied with.

"Can you hear me?" Arthur asked as he clutched Merlins hand. His heart instantly sped up when he felt a faint squeeze against his warm hand.

"I'm so sorry" 

Merlin was so tired, so weak. His entire body was freezing yet he felt so hot. He only had just enough strength to flutter his eyes open and smile slightly at Arthur.

"it's not your fault" he breathed out, taking short gasps of air as he did so.

"it is, you told me we should go back but I didn't listen" Arthur croaked.

Merlin barely had enough strength to bring his hand up to the side of Arthur's face and wipe the tears with his thumb before his hand slumped back down to his side. His breathing became worse with every breath he took, yet he still managed to stay awake a little longer before he slipped into another world of unconsciousness.

***

As the sun rose over the hills sending beams through the window of the hut, the knights started to get ready to leave while Arthur began getting Merlin ready. After he had passed out again the previous night he got a lot worse. His breathing was more rigid and wheezy, his skin became even more of a grey colour if that was possible.

"come on Merlin" Arthur mumbled to himself as he gently hauled the still freezing cold boy into his arms. He wrapped his thin frame into his cape again before gently resting his head onto his shoulder and walking out to the others.

Hunith gave them another bottle of medicine if his Asthma gets worse and bid them goodbye. And once again, the group set off for Camelot. They were now only a day and a half's ride away but Merlin's condition was worsening by the hours it seemed and everyone was beginning to lose hope.

The group rode in silence through the trees, no one daring to say a word. The knights were trying to stay positive and keep their usual banter up. Gwaine was telling his usual tavern stories, an attempt to make the knights laugh, despite the situation. Meanwhile, Arthur was off in his own little world. All he could think about was the freezing cold body slumped against his, sending a chill down his spine just by contact. 

Arthur had millions and millions of thoughts and feelings running through his head, all negative. He was angry at himself for making the group stray further away, he was angry at Merlin for pushing him out of the way of the creature yet again, he was mad at himself for not telling Merlin his feelings while he had the chance. Honestly he was just angry and god help the poor servant who has to put up with him when they get back.

Suddenly, or not so suddenly, Merlin's breathing became wheezy and he once again began taking sharp, quick breaths. Arthur stopped his horse abruptly and fished around in his pocket for the vile of medicine Huntih had gave them. He gently lifted Merlin's chin upwards and slid the liquid down his throat, gently rubbing his throat to help him swallow. After a few minutes his breathing slowed down enough to make Arthur's heart stop racing.

***

Relief washed over the men when Camelot could be seen from a near distance. Instantly Arthur urged his horse faster until they were galloping towards the gates. Arthur clutched onto Merlin tighter, keeping one hand on his head while the other the reins while also keeping Merlin steady.

They galloped through the gates, only slowing down when they got to the stables. Arthur slid of his horse, taking Merlin with him and sprinting as fast as he could to Gaius' chambers with the knights following suit.

As soon as he burst through the doors, Gaius shot up from his seat and immediately cleared of the patient Cot. 

"what happened?" he asked as he began stripping off Merlin's jacket and tunic to inspect the wounds on his back.

"some creature attacked us-" Arthur started.

"and he pushed you out of the way" Gaius nodded in understanding and walked over to his shelves of potions. 

"I need someone to go fetch me some warm water" Gaius said as he began looking through his books.

Arthur obviously volunteered to go. The knights followed him but eventually went off to do their own duties.

***

When Arthur came back with more warm water, Merlin's condition had somehow gotten worse. He was now shaking violently, his lips and nose becoming a bruised blue colour. 

"god, he's getting worse" Arthur muttered under his breath as he continued dipping the cloth in the water and rubbing it all over Merlin's shivering frame.

"I know. I fear he does not have long left" Gaius sighed from behind him as he continued to flip through magic books, though Arthur was too distracted to live.

Warm tears began sliding their way down the King's cheeks as the realisation hit him. Merlin was _dying_ , the love of his life was _dying_ and there was no buts about it.

"there has to be something you can do, Gaius I can't lose him" Arthur broke down in sobs. At this point he didn't care about anyone else seeing him cry, he simply did not give a fuck.

Gaius sighed and ran a hand through his long, grey hair before standing up and walking to the Kings side.

"I know my boy, but i've looked through pretty much all of the books I have and none of them have an explanation on his illness. His entire body is freezing except for his forehead, which I've never seen before in my life" 

"So basically he's dying and theres nothing we can do?" Arthur breathed out, his voice cracking as he did so.

"Sire I know this may be an overstep but I would consider telling him your feelings towards him while he's strong enough to be able to hear you" Gaius smiled sadly.

"what? h-how did you know?" Arthur looked up at the older man.

"I know things my boy. I see the way you look at him, I know how much you enjoy having him around. I also happen to know he returns those very feelings" Gaius explained. "he would kill me if he found out I told you that but at this point-" 

"okay, I will" Arthur sniffled as he looked back down at his best friend.

Gaius placed a comforting hand on the King's shoulder before walking out of the room, closing the door quietly behind him.

"merlin" Arthur breathed out as he stopped patting his friend down with the towel and grasped his hand.

"um, I don't know if you can hear me or not, if you can then I guess you just heard what Gaius said but nevertheless it needs to come from me" Arthur started. He took a deep, shaky breath before he continued. 

"I love you, Merlin. Like a lot, like more than I've ever loved anyone. You have no idea how happy you make me, with that stupid laugh and that amazing smile. I know I make fun of you a lot but it's just a cover, it always has been. Ive been in love with you since I first met you when you called me a prat. I was so mad that someone could show me so much disrespect but then I realised how refreshing it felt to be treated like a normal person not Royalty. You've been by my side since the start and I will be forever grateful. God this sounds like a goodbye, but it's not. I refuse to let you die, I absolutely refuse. You WILL fight this because you are merlin god damn it, you can do anything" 

Arthur couldn't hold it back anymore. All of the pent up frustration, sadness, anxiety, anger, love all came pouring out of him in the form of wracking sobs. He clutched Merlin's hand to his chest and leant over him, nuzzling his head right beside his so their cheeks were touching and just cried. 

***

The next day was filled with visitors coming and going. Gwen and the knights came and bid their goodbyes as they fear Merlin wont make it another night and couldn't fathom not being able to say goodbye to their friend.

Merlin woke briefly while Gwen visited only to start violently coughing before slipping into another realm of unconsciousness. 

Arthur continued to wipe Merlin's body over with warm water as he talked to him. Gaius said at this stage of the illness it was highly unlikely Merlin could hear anyone anymore, nevertheless Arthur continued. If he was honest it was helping with his heart ache to be able to say everything he's wanted to say for the past few years, even if no one but Gaius could hear him.

Gaius continued to flip through book after book, desperately trying to find out what this damned illness was so they knew how to fix it. By now, the old physician had gone through all of his books at least twice with no result.

Both men were extremely sleep deprived and their stomachs were begging them for food but neither had any intentions of leaving the room, fearing Merlin would pass away while they were gone. So, both of them continued on in their state, Arthur falling asleep momentarily every now then again but being woken up by a sudden thump in his chest telling him Merlin was gone.

"Arthur" Gaius' soft voice sounded from behind him, momentarily startling him.

"you need sleep, you haven't slept in three days" 

Arthur frantically shook his head. "no, I'm not leaving him. What if he- no, I'm not going anywhere"

"please my boy, theres not a lot we can do anymore. I've looked through the same hundreds of books at least twice with no result, it's clear trying to keep him warm is failing. Please, I promise I will tell you if anything happens" 

Arthur looked back at his manservant for a quick second before sighing and standing up. He didn't want to leave Merlin on his deathbed but the truth is he couldn't bare to sit by his side, simply dabbing warm water over him with no result. He felt absolutely useless and he was exhausted.

He walked down the halls of Camelot, running a hand along the walls as he did so. As soon as he got to his chambers he slid down the door, pulled his knees up to his chest and sobbed. He didn't care that passers by could probably hear, he didn't care about anything anymore, all he cared about was Merlin.

***

Arthur must have cried himself to sleep because he woke up on the hard floors. He immediately shot up, rubbing his lower back and neck as he did so and ran to the Physician chambers.

He ran as fast as he could, dodging seemingly millions of people as he did so. His heart sped up when he saw Gwen leaving the chambers, a shaky hand over her mouth as tears streamed down her face.

"Gwen, what happened?" He asked as he grabbed her shoulders, forcing her to look at her. She was crying so much she didn't even realise someone was in front of her until they shook her shoulders.

"h-hes gone" Was all she said before she ran off.

Arthur's heart dropped to his stomach. He burst through the doors to see Gaius pulling a sheet over Merlin's figure.

"NO" Arthur shouted as he ran over to the bedside, dropping to his knees. 

"I'm sorry my boy" Gaius smiled sadly before he walked out of the room.

For a few moments, Arthur was completely frozen. He kneeled at the bedside, clasping his shaky hands as he looked at the outline of his manservant under the sheet.

Arthur skeptically pulled the sheet down just enough to see his face. As soon as he did so however, he regretted it. Merlin's face was completely white. His usually rosy lips now a chapped and a sickly shade of blue. The tip of his nose and his eyelids blue as well as his ears.

"oh god no please let this be a joke" Arthur sobbed as he picked up his best friends body and clutched him as close as he could. "I'm so sorry, I love you so fucking much"

After clutching his best friends freezing cold body to his he gently sat him down and pressed a chaste kiss to his forehead before pulling the sheet back over him. He didn't even realise Gaius had come back until he felt a warm hand on his shoulder.

"Merlin wanted me to give you this incase he ever-" Gaius trailed off with a sigh as he handed the King a piece of paper.

"what are you going to do with his body?" Arthur shuddered at the thought of Merlin being a 'body'.

"I will have him escorted back to Elador immediately" 

Arthur nodded and took one last look at the figure under the sheets before he walked out of the room. His legs were so shaky he had to lean against the door for a few seconds so he didn't collapse.

***

Arthur sat down at his desk and just stared at the letter. He didn't want to read it because Merlin only wanted him to read it when he passed and him reading it would mean he really did die and that none of it was a dream or some sick joke.

The king sat at his desk, simply staring at the piece of paper as tears streamed down his face before he decided to read it. He rose his shaky hands from his lap and picked up the paper, wiping the tears to clear his vision before he read it.

_Prince prat_

_If you're reading this then I have passed, which is unfortunate for me._

_I have a few things I need to say to you so I'm going to tell you a short story of a young boy born in Elador. His father had left his mother with a child a long time ago as he was on the run. She gave birth to him in a small hut, on the dirt floor which honestly explains a lot and if you couldn't tell by now, I'm talking about me. If you didn't catch on at that then you're stupider than I thought._

_Soon his mother realised he was different. His mother would be in her own world, doing her own things when things would fly across the room, dancing in the air of simply shatter. It became apparent to her that her little boy had magic._

_I'm a warlock, I was born with magic. You may not know what that is because they're so rare but I am one, I never practised sorcery nor did I chose that path._

_My mother became frightened because she knew the people of Elador would also be frightened of me and I could have been killed if anyone found out. She kept a huge secret for me because she loved me, because that's the kind of thing you do for the people you loved._

_Once I grew up, my mother sent me to Gaius so he could help me control my magic. As soon as I arrived at Camelot I came face to face to an execution. I still haven't gotten the image of the event out of my head, I haven't gotten his mothers screams out of my head. None of that was your fault though, that was your fathers doing._

_Anyway, soon After I arrived I saved your life for the first time, do you remember that? I hope you do because I grazed my elbow sliding across the floor for you._

_I used my magic to drop the chandelier, breaking the spell she put on the room. It wasn't enough though as she soon woke up and aimed a knife right at you. I slowed down time and dived towards you, knocking you out of the way. That was the day Uther appointed me your servant and the day my life changed forever._

_Soon after I arrived at Camelot, I found myself before the Great Dragon. The one I told you I had slayed, but I simply couldn't, not after it told me my destiny. That destiny was to serve and protect you so you could become the once and future king, which you have now done, and I am so immensely proud of you. Our destiny together is to unite Albion and bring magic back to the land._

_Now, years later I have saved your royal arse millions of times. Whenever you told me to hide from bandits or other creatures I was always hiding in the sidelines, using my magic to drop branches or turn arrows into dust._

_Sometime around the 50th time I saved you, I realised my true feelings for you. I realised I thought of you as more of a friend, but as someone I loved deeply. I will admit it was hard for me to sit back and watch as you and Gwen courted each other and married but I was simply happy that you were. Even when the engagement was broken, I provided you a shoulder to cry on not as a way to get you to like me, but as a friend. Because that's what friends do, they offer a shoulder to cry on, they care about each other._

_I have lived a very happy life, despite being reduced to clean up horse dung- thanks for that by the way. I have saved your life without praise, not because I was to modest to ask for it but because it is my purpose and I was just happy I could do it. You have made me so happy, you have made me so angry, you have made me so sad but all of that contributed to the wonderful life I had here._

_Now, I only ask three things of you._

_1\. Please make sure my mother and Gaius will be okay on their own. Gaius will probably get a new apprentice but nevertheless, I want him to be okay on his own._

_2\. Please take care of Gwen. She was one of the first people I talked to and instantly she treated me as a friend. I need you to make sure she will be okay as well._

_3\. Please do not pine over my death for too long. It will make me happy if you fall in love, get married and have children like you are expected too. Obviously you should do what makes you happy but I dont want you to never love again just because I died. I also want you to do whatever you feel is best when it comes to magic, weather you decide to make it legal or not, I trust you'll make the right decision._

_This is goodbye, I guess. I will rise once again when you need me the most, wether that be in a few weeks, years or centuries. I will be there for you_.

_I love you, Arthur._

_Merlin._

Arthur sat silently, clasping one hand over his mouth as the other shaky hand held the letter. Merlin had magic and he never told him? did he not trust him? was it something else?.

Arthur would be mad if it was anyone else, but this was Merlin. Merlin could never do harm to the kingdom or its residence, he couldn't even walk properly. He folded the paper and clutched it in his hand as he slumped down onto his bed and cried himself to sleep.

***

The first month was probably the hardest for the King. He had to get used to not being woken up by a blinding light and a sing song voice in the mornings. There was absolutely no way Arthur would ever get a new manservant so he taught himself how to do the things Merlin would always do. Dress himself, get his own food, clean his own chambers.

Arthur didn't really ever leave his chambers nor did he talk to anyone. He would simply do his chores, get what he needed and lock himself in his chambers for weeks on end. 

The knights, Gwen and Gaius checked in on him while mourning himself but he didn't want a word of it. He didn't want the sympathy hugs from Gwen, he didn't want the jokes from the knights, he just wanted to be alone.

Some days were better than others. Some days he would go outside and watch the knights train, participate in conversations with them and sometimes even crack a smile. Other days, all he could do is lie in bed and cry.

***

Merlin soon adjusted to his life back in Elador. He hadn't realised how much he missed the farm life until he arrived. He forgot how much he liked helping his mum cook dinner or how much he missed watching the sunset over the hills.

He had never forgotten about Camelot though, how could he? thats where his best friends reside, where his father figure resides, where his soulmate resides. Things were hard for Merlin too but they were no doubt easier for him than they were for Arthur.

It wasn't until two months since his 'death' did his mother bring up the subject of going back to Camelot. 

"I don't know, I mean I literally died. will they want me to go back?" Merlin asked as he shoved a forkful of food in his mouth.

"and plus, Gaius probably gave Arthur the letter where I confessed my magic. Whats to say if I return I wont be killed?"

"honey. Arthur would never kill you, he loves you." Hunith smiled as she squeezed Merlin's hands over the table.

***

Today was one of the harder days. Arthur couldn't even be bothered to get out of bed this morning. He felt so weak. His head was pounding from lack of food and water and the fact he had cried all his fluids out so he was extremely dehydrated.

By now, Arthur has probably read the letter over and over thousands of times. He found himself reading it before he went to bed, on the harder days or simply when he needed to see Merlin's handwriting.

Arthur heaved another silent sob as he read over the letter once again, tracing his fingers over every letter. Even after two months, he still couldn't wrap his mind around the fact that Merlin, his most trusted friend, was in fact gone and wouldn't be coming back. He expected him to burst through the doors any minute, he expected to be woken up by that annoyingly adorable sing song voice he always used. None of that happened though, of course. 

The king was brought out of his daydream when a loud knock sounded at the door. He sighed to himself and slid further in his bed, pulling the covers over his head as an attempt to shut out the outside world. Apparently though, his attempt failed as another knock sounded at the door. It became clear to Arthur that whoever was at the door was not in a hurry to leave so with another great sigh he pulled the blankets off him, wiped his tears and walked to the door.

He opened the door and almost passed out when he saw his manservant standing in the doorway, looking back at him with glossy eyes. His breath hitched in his throat as he stared, unable to move. He was still unsure if this was a dream or not.

"merlin?" Arthur breathed out.

"yes sire?" Merlin grinned innocently, despite the tears sliding down his cheeks.

Arthur grabbed Merlin's arm, pulling him inside before wrapping him in the tightest hug he could possible muster. His heart fluttered with happiness when he felt small arms wrap around his waist.

"I don't- you died" Arthur croaked as he pulled away, looking into his best friends eyes.

"I know. I will explain everything I promise. But I'm here now" Merlin smiled.

Without any thought, Arthur cupped Merlins cheeks and pressed their lips together. His heart thumped in his chest as Merlin wrapped his arms around his neck as they both melted into the kiss. It was unbelievable, as soon as their lips touched his legs became stronger and his head stopped pounding.

"God, I missed you so much" Arthur mumbled against his lovers lips.

"I missed you too" Merlin smiled.

"you have no idea how upset I was when you died" Arthur spoke again.

"Arthur, just shut up and kiss me" Merlin rolled his eyes.

Arthur giggled, he actually fucking giggle as he picked Merlin up and spun him in the air, giving Merlin a chance to wrap his legs around his waist and deepen the kiss.

**A/N: lets not talk about the science of dying then magically being alive, I just love happy endings.**

**Word count:6509**

**Author's Note:**

> So i have a Merthur one shots story on wattpad, should i post them on here or nah?


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